Physical Pain.

I miss you so much, you don't even know.  I'm beginning to wonder if I ever even cross your mind...  It seems like you're much better off without me, like you don't miss me at all.  It's like I'm your shameful mistake, and you can't stand to see me anymore, as you always seem to walk away whenever I'm near.  I don't know how to fix this, it seems almost impossible, I suppose only God can now.  You have to know that I would blame myself.  That makes it hurt all the more though.


Everything about you makes me happy, and to lose my best friend makes me cry on more than one occasion.  Barely anyone knows, and I'm trying desperately hard to hide it from you.  Put on a smile, and act like everything is okay, because I can't hurt you more, in letting you know how much I'm in pain.

I can feel it, more and more acute... a physical pain stemming from an emotional hurt.



I think back to times like Thanksgiving, where you missed me so much, after not talking for a simple three days.  And now, willingly and contently, speaking only as brief as possible, not more than you have to, whenever we're around.  And never replying, to our long line of conversation, which has now been nearly three weeks since you last read what I said, or felt it joyful to write a reply.

What am I saying?  It's late, and my OCD is terribly awful, preventing me from even saying things how I want to say them.  It disturbs my mind, and rattles my intentions...

Is there anything I can do, to make things okay?  Could we start back from ground one, and somehow get somewhere?

I miss you...